did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
