I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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