Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
