so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
