dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
