yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
