There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
