Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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