No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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