I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
