Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
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