You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
