Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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