I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
