my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
