someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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