i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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