today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
