can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
