I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
