nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
