Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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