she woke up with a sticky ear
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
