Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
