i'm signing you up for texting rehab
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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