Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize