She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
