So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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