He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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