Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He kissed a someone with a penis
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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