Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
