Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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