I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
