Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
