Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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