I hate your face
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
