fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
tell me about the eggs
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
