my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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