If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
