she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
