Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize