Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
