I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
