i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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