I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
