bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize