I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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