You can't motorboat a personality
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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