Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Hippo gnu deer
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
