oh god the rape fog is back!
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
