The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You can't motorboat a personality
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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