Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
should my penis look like a turkey
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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