Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
