Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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