You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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