Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
