i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
