I want to make a zoo with you.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
