So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I cannot find my penis.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
