yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
