The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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