dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
