so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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