I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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